Cupid: All Strangers on the Bus
by Atomdancerrr
Summary: One of my better stories! When Champ tries to do Claire a favor and challenges Trevor to prove his father the god of war gave him martial arts training he's EXPECTING to pop one of Trevor’s "delusions." Instead, surprise! Good thing he's on our side!


I don't own Cupid or Psyche. If I did I'd take better care of them. Please consider any fan fiction an advertisement for the original works.

ABC doesn't own them either. The ancient Greeks do and they are watching from the Heaven we are going to build through Science and Faith working together and which already exists due to Relativistic curved space/time and thoroughly enjoying that Moderns are still writing about their characters! The characters of Cupid and Psyche are over 2000 years old!

Who will be writing about Sam and Al and Kirk and Spock and Bones and Doctor Who thousands of years from now? I bet something!

Within our lifetimes it will be possible to feed a fan fiction story into your home computer and have it produce a watchable video. Both Cupid's will have their one hundredth beads! The starship Enterprise will finish its five-year mission and Sam will get home! So keep writing!

Flash forward far enough and we'll use artificial intelligence to bring all worthwhile fictional characters to life and give all beings an afterlife. You may be writing their memories here.

Because of curved space/time this has already happened.

Who is watching you read this? ;)

Note the opinions of Claire and Champ don't match that of this Author. I KNOW who Cupid really is! ;)

Only 4-6 degrees of separation! If any one can, please contact Rob Thomas and tell him Cupid keeps failing because he is writing it in the wrong genre! Cupid is for Thinkers and Readers not merely for recreational Watchers! He needs to write Claire's book inter-spaced with protest comments by Cupid himself plus first person point of view descriptions of their interactions with Cupid from the other characters. If he would do that he would have a best seller on his hands as K-PAX was. This _always_ should have been a book as the original Cupid and Psyche was story by Lucian of Apuleius, "The Golden As." This was written in the second century of Christianity! Cupid and Psyche started off as a book. They need to become a book again! Almost two thousand years later and we are still writing about this "colorful not crazy" character and his beloved Psyche!

This is 1999 Cupid. That can be watched except for the last two parts of The Children's Hour on Youtube. The lighter hearted but very good 2009 Cupid can be watched at Casttv Add dot com to that.

Cupid: All Strangers on the Bus.

By

8-) Elizabeth Hensley

It was the usual situation of having a bar across the street from a mental hospital. On one side of the street Patients were involuntarily being dispensed very good drugs that would really help them. On the other side of the street the Patients walked in voluntarily and paid to have a drug dispensed to them that destroyed brain cells, but it was disguised as recreational drinks. And on both sides of the street a kind soul listened to their troubles and offered about equally good device.

Both sides of the street had a room with recreational equipment and TVs and a man or men standing around to make sure the Patients didn't hurt themselves.

One side of the street was much better decorated than the other.

The side of the street with the better decoration and the worst drug allowed the Patients to come and go at will.

The other side of the street with the worse décor and the better drugs frequently locked their Patient's up.

Both sides often had the same cliental and Patients at various times, except who was who kept getting mixed up, because once their work day was over the Doctors, Nurses and Orderlies often crossed the street and became the Patients of one of theirs. And on Tuesdays and Thursdays that Patient walked to the other side of the street and again became the Patient of his Patients!"

Which was why at that particular point in time and space on a slow Wednesday night the Mental Patient known as Trevor Hale, who was also Cupid the god of love, son of the god of war, was busy carefully dispensing a psychoactive drug called alcohol to two of his favorite Orderlies and his beloved Psychiatrist.

His roommate, Champ who was the bar's Orderly, otherwise known as a Bouncer, was also listening. It was a slow night for him. Despite the delusion many Normal People have Mental Patients tend not to be a violent lot, not even the ones who call themselves Doctors, Nurses and Orderlies!

They were sitting on the stools listening and talking to Cupid. He was just an interesting Person to talk to. It didn't matter that they didn't believe a word of what he said! There was truth in his gentle, manic and amusing words anyway, hidden truth that was fascinating to pry out like Dog biscuits from the treat-ball of his Olympian confabulations.

The Psychiatrist was sure if she listened long enough to her Problem Patient the reason he had gone over the edge would reveal itself. She never realized he had already said the reason over half a dozen times! For Cupid was crazy all right, just not delusional as thought!

The Orderlies just wanted the entertainment and the occasional kernel of wisdom the wise Lunatic tossed out as casually and plentifully as a Float Rider tossed out Mardi Gras beads.

Unfortunately not all the bar's Patients came from the mental hospital. Not all of them were that well behaved!

Two rough looking bozos, already half drunk walked into Taggerty's. They were not from the mental hospital in any capacity, not Patients of any kind. They were totally "Normal Humans." And that kind can be very dangerous in more ways than one!

They had heard stories about Taggerty's "crazy" Barkeep and wanted to see for themselves. They clumped in and sat down at a table close enough to overhear the Barkeep's crowd and conversation. But to their disappointment Trevor did what he was supposed to do; remembered he was at work. He left his Friends, came over and gave them a sincerely cheerful and welcoming smile, "Hi folks! Welcome to Taggerty's. What can I get you?"

They eyed Trevor like he was a strange, new and particularly disgusting looking species of Insect. "Are you 'Cupid?" one of them asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

Trevor nodded, "Yes. I am Cupid, the god of love at your not so humble but cheerful service. So, what can I get you?"

They started howling with laughter."

With well-practiced calm Cupid said, "Again I ask, what can I get you fine Gentlemen?"

The other bozo sneered, "What kind of a name for a god is, 'Cupid?"

Cupid said quickly, "A cute name. It makes Chicks dig me. It's my Roman name you know. My original Greek name was Eros but I actually like Cupid better just because it does sound cuter." Trevor smiled.

His potential Customers just howled with laughter again.

"So," the god of love asked just as pleasant as he had been, "Do you wish something to drink?"

The first tormentor hissed, "Why would we want to drink something a Fairy like you touched?"

Cupid said, "Ah yes, Fairies. Fine elemental spirits, though sometimes a tad mischievous and even on rare occasions malevolent. Not as pretty or as harmless as your Modern Mortals think. I suggest you do not start evoking them! But never-the-less I've had some fine acquaintances amongst them."

The two buffoons kept snickering. "You Lunatic that wasn't the kind of Fairy we were talking about!"

Champ suddenly was at his Roommate's side. "Since you didn't really come into this drinking establishment to drink and don't seem to have any other legitimate business here it is time for you to leave."

They eyed him and just kept snickering, "A Lunatic fairy and a N****. What a pair! This is the weirdest bar in Chicago!"

Champ nodded, "Yes it is! And that brings in the business. With employees like us everyone knows if they are willing to play nice with the rest of us _everyone_ is welcome here including ALL the business we get from across the street. But since you aren't willing to play nice you are NOT welcome here!' He pointed at the door, "Last peaceful warning! Out now!"

They glared at him.

Champ gave them his best Mr. T impression.

Grumbling rude words and making very rude gestures they got up and left.

Claire started to breath again!

Champ smiled at his Roommate and Trevor smiled back. Often at odds over little things they were staid partners against stupidity and bigotry.

Together they walked back over to the counter.

Isaac was really respectful at the self-control the so-called Mental Patient had displayed. He exclaimed, "Wow Cupid I don't know how you put up with that! I'd have had my fists swinging by that second insult!"

Claire thought to herself, _I sure wish I could get him to quit calling Trevor 'Cupid.' That only feeds his delusion!_

Cupid sighed and shrugged, "It would be totally illogical upon my part to blame Mortals for being Mortals. That would be as illogical as you Mortals blaming us gods for being gods. We all are what we are, and what we all are is pretty much messed up big time. Ce'est la ve!"

Hector smiled, "You are both the sanest person I know and the craziest! OK, within your shaky but admittedly wise grasp of reality, why are we all this way? Why didn't you gods do a better job of creating us?"

Cupid shrugged, "Well while we were all at it why didn't you Mortals do a better job of creating US? Time circles, Isaac. We each create each other, each in our own time. In the Grand Future you use artificial intelligence technology to create us. In the Hopeful Past we use biotechnology and evolution to create you, but we are both working from the same imperfect though wonderful Reality, (though you might deny that, thinking I'm nuts and all), so what we get is what we get. Both Mortals and all Higher Powers are just Holy Slobs, all Strangers on the Bus trying to make our way home, and Brothers and Sister do I ever want to go home! The road has pot holes and traffic jams and the bus jerks every time it stops and starts to pick up and let off more Passengers and we are all very tired and cranky!"

Everybody stared at him.

Cupid looked up, "What did I do? Say something too profound for a Madman again so you are rattled as usual? Sorry! I'll do something silly. That should calm you down again."

Cupid picked up a couple of beer glasses and a bottle and started jugging them."

Claire couldn't help smiling and she looked up at the ceiling imploring the real Higher Power(s) to do something about her Problem Patient!

Hector commented, "You know sometimes I do believe you _are_ Cupid!'

Cupid nodded, "I know. You were my first Convert so to speak. Even in the hospital you were suspicious that maybe I wasn't just nuts though I'm obviously very messed up. That is because out of everyone you spent the most time with me. Out of all the time I was there, Dr. Greeley saw me a few minutes. Dr. Frescott saw me not at all. Claire only saw me an hour a day. But you were with us Patients almost constantly on the wards, 8 hours a day. You saw me in contrast with the other Patients much more than anyone else and you realized I just wasn't really one of them."

Hector said, "But it troubles me big time. I'm a devout Christian, or I try to be. If there are gods what is this warm feeling of Christ's Presence I have inside of me?"

Cupid smiled, "That would be Christ, Hector. He is to us Olympians as a Blue Whale is to an Amoeba. He does not have to be a greedy God. He can take more than one Host so He has the luxury of letting you still be you and just experiences life with you and lets you know you are loved. I can't say the same for us Olympians. We can only take one Host so we use all of him or her."

Claire was listening to this with her analytical ears wide open! "Are we talking about the 'little man behind the curtain' here Trevor?"

Her problem Patient shrugged," It wasn't my idea Claire Bear! I was forced into this. But knowing my Mother's sensibilities are the same as my own unlike most of the other gods I can say with perfect certainty it wouldn't have been involuntary upon the part of my Host. I'm the only involuntary involved here! I just want to go home!"

Claire asked, "Would an exorcism work?"

Cupid sighed, "If you want to be really, really cruel! My family would just find somebody else to exploit and send me back down again somewhere else and I'd be interrupted again and have to start all over. It would be just as bad as turning be over to Dr. Freschette for heavy medication to keep me perfectly controlled! I would not be cured because I am not schizophrenic. As you have said many times yourself, my problem is not too much dopamine. I would just be very calm to the point of not being able to function! If your goal really is to really help me, help me get my one hundredth couple matched and I can go home the proper, peaceful, permanent way!"

Claire nodded and thought to herself, _The teleology of the healing is encased in the psychosis. _

Isaac said, "I still don't know how you do it, put up with the kind of guff you take!"

Cupid sighed, "You and Hector and the other Orderlies gave me more than your fair share of it! I didn't enjoy being told, 'Go to the isolation room. Lay in this bed. Sorry but we are strapping you in. Time to talk to Dr. Greeley. Time to have a medical examination. Time for a blood test to prove I am not using drugs. Then, hold still, here comes Mr. Needle so like it or not, now I _am _using drugs! Time to talk to Claire. Wear these jammies for 90 days. You will get your own clothes back if you cooperate with the staff and can get out! Time to go to bed. Time to get up! Time for breakfast! Time for group therapy! Time to go to lunch. Time to stop eating lunch and go back to the rec room. Time to talk to Claire. Time to eat supper. Time to go back to the rec room and watch TV with the other Patients. Never mind that I'd rather go find a quiet spot to think or read a book! 'Watch TV with the other Patients because fitting in is good for you!' Time for your evening meds. Swallow these pills or you'll get Mr. Needle again. Time for your shower! Time to go to bed.' We Mental Patients are treated like Kids and we aren't. We are Adults! Plus I am a god and over 3000 years old and have been everywhere! It was very humiliating but I put up with it because I did want out! And that is why I won't defend myself physically against bozos even though I am the son of the god of war and was very well trained in dozens of different methods of hand to hand combat and am perfectly capable of doing so. I don't want to live across the street again and I don't want Claire to lose her license. I don't even want the hospital to be sued. I just want to keep the peace! Most profound thing a Mortal ever said, 'Why can't we get along?'"

Claire said, "And that folks is why Trevor is sane even though he's delusional about who he is. And he's competent because he can manage his own affairs. 'Sane, and competent though crazy.' A lot of Delusionals are like that and because of what Trevor accidentally started some of them are getting chances to try and make it outside of the hospital!"

Champ happened to overhear this. Suddenly a thoughtful look crossed his face, "Trevor you just claimed you know hand to hand combat skills. Claire I am about to do you a favor! You always are looking for ways to pop my crazy Roommate's delusions. "Cupid" I say you prove you are the son of the god of war and know all this hand to hand combat training. I challenge you to a good old-fashioned fight! The bar just closed for the night. Let's take our discussion outside and get physical with it."

Claire smiled like a Canary fed Cat, "Why thank you, Champ!' She turned to her Patient, "Your bluff is being called. Put your body where your mouth is!'

Trevor stared at her, "Am I hearing this correctly? My Therapist WANTS me to get violent?"

Claire clarified, "Well not violent so to speak, but physical. We all know you aren't out of control emotionally right now or mad at your Roommate in any way. We just want to see what you can really do if we remove the strait jacket so to speak and tell you it's OK for a few minutes to show your true god powers to us just this once."

Cupid sighed, "They aren't god powers. They are just what Jackie Chan can do but taken to a higher level from hundreds of years of practice and training from others even older. If they were god powers I couldn't do it, remember? I've been de-powered. It is like my dart throwing. My family could take my magic away from me but they didn't dare take away my mastery of the laws of physics because I need those just to survive down here!"

Claire explained. "Well I am giving you permission to show us what you still have left, 'Cupid.' No danger of a trip across the street again. No danger of anything going in your files other than whether you can really defend yourself like you say you can, or not. If you can do it, that's a point for your belief that you are an Olympian god. If you can't do it we are going to have some very interesting sessions the next few weeks because that will just about be positive proof you aren't who you claim to be!"

Claire was amazed at what happened next! She had thought Trevor was going to come up with the usual, clever excuse most Delusionals have when backed into a corner for why they suddenly can't do what they claim. But she was mistaken! Trevor just stared at her and mirrored back her own Canary Cat grin!

"Okey dokey!" Trevor said cheerfully. He went in the back room and came out with four pieces of cardboard torn off a liquor box. He also had a magic marker. He handed a piece of cardboard to Isaac, Hector, Champ and Claire. "I want you to write in big, five inch letters, 'we asked Cupid to demonstrate his martial arts training' and sign it!' And then I want you to stand as a group over by the cash register and hold up your signs so the security camera can record your holding those signs up." He looked pointedly at Claire; "I am not taking any chances on what I am about to do being misinterpreted!"

Claire nodded, "Very wise!'

They did so.

Cupid turned to Susan Taggerty and said, "Ok. Boss, Champ and I will be back in to clean up and put the bar to bed in about fifteen minutes. OK?"

Mrs. Taggerty nodded. "Go for it, Love. You've been holding back way too much, way too long. Here's your chance to let it out and be a Man for a while!"

Cupid smiled at his kind and understanding Boss and turned to his Friends and said, "Ok, Isaac, Hector and Champ, out to the back alley where all the drunken bar creeps fight! And none of this Hollywood malarkey where Villains stand around politely and let the Protagonist fight off one Ninja at a time! I'm taking you on all at once so you jump me all at once! And I will really, really try not to hurt you but I can't promise that! So just keep in mind you asked for this and I have it in writing and on tape!"

Claire was beginning to wonder if she had opened up a can of Worms! But at least thanks to her delusional but highly competent Patient's foresight they _did_ have it on tape that they had asked for it!"

They all walked out the back door of the bar.

Claire said, "One other thing, when I yell, "stop' everyone stop. OK?"

They all nodded.

Claire thought to herself,_ quite frankly she was more worried about Champ getting out of control than she was about Trevor_!

A few minutes later they all came back inside again. Champ and Isaac were carrying Hector who was unconscious. Champ's jaw was very sore. Claire felt very shaken! Trevor Cupid Hale was on top of the world!

Isaac stared at Trevor as if he had never seen him before. His eyes were as wide as manhole covers, "Cupid, what kind of fighting was that!?"

Cupid grinned, "SEVERAL kinds. At any particular moment I used whatever worked. Plus switching fighting styles unexpectedly confuses one's opponents.

Champ felt his sore jaw, "It sure did me! I expected you to just judo-throw me again. Instead you just plain decked me one!"

Isaac bent down and looked at Hector, "Well! He's starting to wake up. I didn't know Vulcan nerve pinches were real!"

Cupid shook his head, "They aren't. I did nothing to his nerves. I just pinched his carotid artery in his neck, which cut off the blood supply to his brain, which rendered him unconscious. I knew what I was doing or that maneuver could be very dangerous if you don't do it properly which is why even your Television doesn't demonstrate it very much in their fake fights. They don't want to be sued if Monkey see Monkey do happens and someone dies. Because just a split second more and it would have harmed Hector's brain permanently. But I did it so he'll wake up just fine though he may have a headache for a while. I wanted Hector out of the fight quickly. He doesn't complain but I can tell his back is hurting him."

Isaac nodded, "Last year a very disturbed and hostile Patient attacked him and he hasn't been the same since!"

Cupid grimaced, "Poor fellow! Well this disturbed but friendly Patient didn't want to harm him even more. He'll be Ok except he'll be unhappy he didn't' get to see all of our little contest!"

Champ said painfully and fingered his jaw, "Why didn't you do the same thing to us?"

Cupid grinned, "So the rest of you would be awake to see what you wanted to see, that the god of love could defend himself physically if certain legal restrictions didn't constrain me!"

Champ shuttered, "If only they didn't! I could take you with me for protection when I went to certain bad sections of town, like upper Manhattan!"

Claire said, "Champ, upper Manhattan isn't a bad section of town."

Champ frowned, "It is if you look as I do!"

Hector had regained consciousness. "What happened?"

Isaac said, "Be glad all this time our crazy Cupid has been on our side!"

Hector stared, "He won?"

Isaac nodded, "In less than two minutes and I think he could have even against all of us if he'd been in a strait jacket! He knows how to kick box too! Ask my ribs how I know that!"

Claire said, "Trevor the next time you offer to walk me back and forth to work to protect me I will understand that isn't an empty offer!"

Then Claire turned to the rest, "Isaac, Hector and even you Champ, listen to me. This is important! For Trevor's sake you MUST keep quiet about this! I was going to mention that I found out under peaceful circumstances that Trevor has martial arts training but I am having severe, second thoughts. If Dr. Greeley and Dr. Freschette found out just how potentially lethal Trevor could be it would add immensely to their fears and theory that our 'Cupid' could be dangerous and needs to be locked up and heavily medicated to protect the hospital from liability if an openly delusional Patient harms someone!"

Cupid sighed, "It's a weird thing for an Olympian god to have to do but I keep the words of Jesus, Dr. Martin Luther King and Gandhi by my bedside, trying to learn from the best Peacemakers. I am doing everything I can to stay peaceful. I don't want to end up locked up and heavily medicated for the rest of my life! I don't want to cause Claire to lose her license! I don't even want the hospital to get into trouble on my account and I certainly don't want to end up harming a Mortal just for being a Mortal!'

Claire nodded, "And you just demonstrated you can stay calm even in the face of severe humiliation and insults that would have driven many a so called 'Normal Person" to physical retaliation. And that IS going in my report this week!"

Cupid grinned and gazed at Claire, stars in his eyes. "It sure is fun having my own personal Spy! And such a pretty one too!"

Author's note. The bus allegory Trevor referred to comes from a song called, "One of Us" by Joan Osborne. It can be watched at Youtube.


End file.
